Phang Khai SIang

Phang Khai SIang

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The weather is hot, yet it is cold in me.

Dear blog,

Having me visiting you again obviously shows dat I ain't happy today. and do u noe y? well, truthfully? Yea. it always has and it is still it. come and go as if im a public parking spot. depended on it and left the next minute. couldnt even care a lil more about it. all i did and wanted to do was to care for her. yet this is wad i got, a greeting, a miss understanding and no reply after dat. God damn it, what have i done to deserve this? what is it about me dat so hard for u to accept me? or at least appreciates me as a fren. Enough taking me for granted. U have broken my heart enough times. A lie so big dat I still couldnt let go. Easy for you to say yet u nvr prove to me dat u r a worthy fren, wad more a close 1. I might hav fall for u but i am not blind. I might be stupid whn u r around but im not an idiot. I can tell de difference when u talk to the others than to me. if he is such a great man den dun fucking find me any more. dun come and tell me ur sad stories jus because u dun hav feelings for me. i have judged u wrongly. U still dun learn your lessons. my dear, hope u r on the rite track. because if one day u r gona cry in front of me. im gona laugh at you. cruel i am, but i aint no a heart breaker. selfish i am, yet i noe how to care for ppl more den you do. a bastard i am, yet i treat every1 around with my heart. joy, sad, happy & anger, every emotion is true and without mask. If u think you understand, if u think u noe. u r deeply, awfully wrong.


Friday, March 25, 2011

Friday, Break of Dawn. From never ending nite of holidays.

Aaaahhh. Days and weeks after, the feeling is still thr. Not as painful as it was but its fading already. Not too sure if dat is good, after all she was really the one I though would b together with. As for now I kinda spending time with another person, some what a lil strangely because technically v got no feelings for each other. As I hope this is a healthy friendship cause good friends doesnt come everyday, for some people they never even hav any good friends.

I should say finally, my way out of this shit hole has arrived. Why i called it a shit hole cos it obviously is, it causes pain and its a fucking waste of time and effort trying to fix the situation when clearly the other party dun giv a damn about me. Or at times i think that person is a lil blind to see. Sry for being such an ass, but to a certain extend i noe im rite.

Some did advised me to forgive & forget. But i found hating her makes me feel better, probably due to my own personality. Surprisingly, even when i treat her badly she doesnt get angry. May b she does understand how i feel. Sadly that is not enough for me to forgive & forget. after all, She had made her own decision. That gave away her rights to seek care and attention from me.

At this point I have gave up on making you understand. God might be helping me and you leading towards a better life, this could be the right thing to do.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


So this is how it really feels like to let some1 you love go. Giving up on all the dreams you had with her. Heart Breaking is an understatement to that feeling. I guess no1 wins everything and this is the game that I kept losing. Im trying to be optimistic, be happy and its not easy. They say you will one day find your true love, does finding the girl that you really love counts? What about the losing her part? As some say we will never be together with the one we really love. May b that's true, at least for me for now. If drinking helps healing I rather get drunk everyday. If talking to some1 helps to heal ill talk till every1 fall asleep. Sadly all that doesnt help. Even time couldnt help me to heal, it can only fade things away. If fading my love for you is the only way out, there's really no other way any more isnt it? As much as I hate this feeling I really hope you will find happiness from him. All the best. I can only pray that one day you will appreciate me. =')