30/01/11

So this is how it really feels like to let some1 you love go. Giving up on all the dreams you had with her. Heart Breaking is an understatement to that feeling. I guess no1 wins everything and this is the game that I kept losing. Im trying to be optimistic, be happy and its not easy. They say you will one day find your true love, does finding the girl that you really love counts? What about the losing her part? As some say we will never be together with the one we really love. May b that's true, at least for me for now. If drinking helps healing I rather get drunk everyday. If talking to some1 helps to heal ill talk till every1 fall asleep. Sadly all that doesnt help. Even time couldnt help me to heal, it can only fade things away. If fading my love for you is the only way out, there's really no other way any more isnt it? As much as I hate this feeling I really hope you will find happiness from him. All the best. I can only pray that one day you will appreciate me. =')

Not letting go.

Back in the days when i was a boy. I was so crazy for food, more like I couldn't let go of them. You noe the feeling of have a super crazy good food that you are having and after you finish eating you still want moreeeeeee. You felt like lifting up the plate and start licking all the remains or even bite the plate itself.

The feeling is back but sadly it is not food, not something you can buy, steal or borrow from. =/

It was just a dream.

I'm so afraid of writing what I wanna say because it would turn out to b so obvious that the person would notice it if he/she does find out my blog. In general term, humans could be so selfish, ignorance and so inconsiderate. I am so God Damn Fucking Sad rite now and so disappointed that this is happening to me AGAIN.

Just imagine, you are a restaurant owner. Ur shop has a rival some where across the town and the competition is fairly hot. This customer walks into your shop, ordered stuff, finished the meal and asked to meet the chef/restaurant owner. So at this point you would b so excited and the conversation started and it continues well. Some where along the line you thought that this guy really likes your food and you thought he is one of ur regulars. Then the weird thing happens, he asked you for opinion about the rival and without hesitation you told him what you think. Finally when the conversation almost over, you found out that the customer is actually ur rival's regular and he is here today because ur the rival is closed for a week.

Without consciously knowing that your face actually turned sad and all you wanna do rite now is chase this customer away and ask him to never come back. This might look illogically for business senses but what if this is translated into relationship senses? Hard to get the picture? I truly understand but this is the best I can do without being too obvious. I constantly loses battle after battle. When I finally see a ray of light, life has to shut it down and put me back into misery. This is a lonely road to walk through.

8/11/2010. How much I misses you.

When I'm hungry I eat, When I'm tired I sleep. But in a simplest form of relationship, things are never as straight forward as that. You have no idea how much I would hope that I could tell you how I feel right now. Doing so will only kill it and kill everything else that matters between you and me. I know I haven't really try things out yet and never really do things that what others would normally do. But the little things that I've done so far have only discouraged me by the reactions you gave me. May be its just me, may be i interpreted wrongly what you said to me that night. Those words that did not make sense now starts to reappear and slowly fit into the picture. A single sided effort relationship is not what I am looking, I could be naive but right now I still believe that the person I am looking do exist. I did believe you were that one but now I have more doubts than ever before. The visions I used to have had faded away and all that is left is total darkness awaits me.

Stuck in a Dream (A real one)!

Today I was having an afternoon nap. During that I had a dream, kind of a nice one actually =P. When i was having all the fun, i knew all these are just a dream but I wanted to make sure of that. So i started to think where was I sleeping and I couldn't remember!! After a few sec of thinking I told myself whatever la, just keep it going. hahahaha! And I did until I was awake. Awesome.

End of an old chapter

Date: 30/07/2010

Time: 10:31

Note: Cloudy Weather, No one around the house

At this turning point in life, the stress level is high enough to cause breakdowns in a person's mind. So many things to think about and so many things to do. Naturally people around you also start to act differently, probably also because of the same stress level everyone is experiencing. At times really feel like pressing the reset button of life and start all over again. I've also learnt that material fulfillment will not satisfy the needs and wants of one's soul. In fact those material fulfillment might even distract what you are doing and make things to go even worst than before. Life can really be very empty and hollow if the soul is not satisfy, so hollow that it cause sleepless nights, so empty that it feels like McD bottomless refill.

Life aside, this game called Dirt / Dirt 2 is really amazing. Very realistic and fun, just like driving the real thing. Hope that everyone is having a colourful =)

Wish List

If you are familiar with US TV shows then you should have heard such thing as a "Wish List" before, like a Oprah's Wish List. Yes I watch Oprah at times. Back then I wasn't able to come out with a Wish List for myself, simply because I know I couldn't get them and also I wasn't that "greedy". Well NOW I do have a Wish List (Finally!) and this is how it goes..

1) A REAL punching bag.

2) A new hand phone. (I dun mind a Iphone but I wanna try HTC)

3) A HUGE HD TV with,

4) Hifi Set with,

5) PS3/Wii with,

6) Bean Bags

7) A new car (Ford Focus 2.0 Diesel)

8) Wireless Mouse

9) Car Radio with,

10) Awesome sound system with a bass speaker under my chair. {BoOm-B0oM-BObm}

Now you see why they are impossible? Not exactly impossible but very unlikely I will spend money on all of these. =/ Anyways, all the best to those who are having exams.